Football Coaching - Dealing with a Disclosure

What do I do if a child comes to me and makes an accusation of abuse against somone? (a disclosure)

Child Protection trainers and consultants will admit that the biggest fear people have, when attending workshops, is that they might one day be asked to deal with a Disclosure – a child telling them that something is happening to them or another child and they want it to stop.

Child Protection is an emotional subject, you only have to pick up a paper to see that any story that deals with abuse of a child is highly reported. People do not want to see children abused and while people continue to protect those children that are usually unable to protect themselves, then hopefully fewer and fewer will become a victim of abuse. The fact remains however that there are many people who do abuse children either intentionally or otherwise and will continue to do so until they are stopped. Many people read of stories of highly respected adults being convicted of offences against children and relatives and friends being totally shocked by the conviction stating that they would never have thought the person capable of such acts of abuse. What has to be realised is that abusers do not wear a sign or advertise their abuse – if they did it would be stopped at once. Every conviction is someone’s son, daughter, brother, sister, father or mother, relative friend or member of a local community. In the majority of convictions these people were unaware of the crime and often blaming themselves for not spotting any signs that could have prevented the abuse. That is why abuse continues because abusers can hide it from nearly everyone apart from the youngster being abused, like minded individuals, or others wishing to excuse the abuse. The very sad fact is that being married to, related to or knowing someone for 20 years does not guarantee that they do not abuse children.

A Disclosure

Children who want to make a disclosure may want to see you alone, away from the ears and eyes of their peers. You must ensure that you follow your clubs Code of Conduct and not be alone with the child, so you may have to ask the child to stand in full view of others but out of hearing range.

Your Role

No-one is expecting you to be a social worker or a counsellor, and you certainly are not expected to be the judge, jury and avenge the abuse. You are however expected to act in the best interest of the child and other children who may be part of the abusive situation. What the child needs is for you to keep calm and listen very carefully to what the child tells you. Abused children will only tell people that they trust and who they feel safe with. This disclosure has taken a great deal of courage on their part and they need to know that you believe what they are telling you.
By listening to them and taking what they say seriously you are already starting to protect them. You must allow the child to tell you as much as they want to about the abuse, but do not force them to talk about it. Always allow the child to describe the event in their own words, don’t suggest things that might have happened or replace a phrase or word with the correct and more articulate meaning, this may count against the case if it ever goes to court. Seek to clarify what has been said but do not probe for further information. Always tell the child that they have done the right thing in telling you.

Your Duty to Report the Disclosure and the Possible Betrayal of the Child’s Trust

Some children may begin to tell you but only after you have promised not to tell anyone else, this is a promise you CANNOT keep, so explain that if anything were to happen to the child or another child as a result of keeping quiet then you could not live with yourself. This usually reminds the child that other children, perhaps not known to them, could also be the victims of abuse possibly by the same person.

Your Initial Reaction

Try not to show disgust or horror at any revelation as this may prevent the child from making the entire disclosure. You must tell them that they are not to blame for the abuse. Once a disclosure has been made you must remain calm. The child’s safety is paramount and to make sure that the child is safe you may need to speak to your clubs Child Protection person to let the child go home, particularly if there is a chance of the abuser waiting at home for the child’s arrival. There are a number of Helplines you can phone to take advice (helplines depend on location but are easily identifiable) should you be unsure of the immediate safety of the child. Write everything down as soon as possible, it may be that your disclosure may not be serious enough to act on at once, BUT if it is repeated and you collate the evidence then action can then be taken.

Other Pathways for Information to be Acquired

A disclosure is not the only way that you may be made aware of a problem. Sometimes another adult or even a child may say something about a possible abusive situation. On occasions you may witness an incident that may cause you concern or indeed you may pick up on the many signs that have been highlighted in the Types of Abuse articles on this site. On occasions information is passed to the coach or manager anonymously by a person or persons who don’t want to be directly involved for whatever reason. However you come upon the information the result should always be the same:-

NOT TAKING ANY ACTION IS NOT AN OPTION, THE SAFETY OF CHILDREN IS PARAMOUNT

Here is a Short Bullet Checklist of what to do when a Child Discloses to you:-

1. Ensure Immediate Safety of the Child.
2. Listen.
3. Remain Calm.
4. Do not promise not to tell.
5. Do not Correct or Interrupt Them.
6. Record Information.
7. Seek Further Advice

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