Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse occurs when a child or young person is either pressurised, forced or tricked into taking part in any kind of sexual activity with an adult or young person in order to meet the abusers own sexual needs. The Football association recognises anyone below the age of 18 as being a child, this has ramifications for coaches and managers of U16, 17 and 18 sides both male and female.
Sexual abuse is often the main headline in papers or on TV or radio because it is such an emotive subject, but it constitutes less than 2% of all Abuse of children. Sexual abuse can include kissing, touching the young person's genitals or breasts, intercourse or oral sex. As well as these physical actions it is also the encouraging of a child to look at pornographic magazines, videos or sexual acts.

Who are Child Abusers?

Some Myths dispelled

Their background is always the same
There is no evidence to suggest that sex abusers come from any one professional, racial or religious background, or that they are only ever male. Many people mistakenly believe that an abuser must be an adult whereas in actual fact they can be any child or young person who can act in a sexually abusive manner.

It’s strange people you need to watch for

‘Stranger Danger’ is a commonly used phrase to warn children of contact with people they do not know, however records of sexual offences proves that usually the abuser is either a family member or someone known to the child, such as a family friend.

It’s the girls you only need to watch out for

To believe that boys are safe from Sexual Offences is another myth for while there may be more girls on the Child Protection Register for Sexual Abuse there are still a large number of boys.

It’s easy to spot the abusers

Unfortunately abusers have no particular identifiable characteristics, they are not necessarily ‘dirty old men’, creepy or even weird looking in raincoats hanging around parks, the chances are that if they did behave that way then their access to children would probably be nil.

Old men usually commit these offences

Most sex offenders commit their first offence during their teens and continue until they are caught. So while it is true to say that most are men it is incorrect to say that they are old.

Abused children always become abusers themselves

The excuse is often given that if a person was sexually abused as a child then they cannot help being an offender themselves. This is a myth because most people who were abused do not themselves become sex offenders. Research has recently shown that current sex offenders are likely to have experienced physical and emotional abuse in their childhood – which may be a factor in their sexually abusive behaviour.

It was a mistake, a lapse, it won’t happen again

The excuse offered by many people seeking to protect the abuser is that it only happened the once and he promised it would never happen again (drink or drugs may have been a factor as well). However it is rare for a sexual offence to be a one off event, in fact offenders are usually charged with far fewer abuses that they have actually committed.

Abusers have a limited education and only work alone

Abusers can be well educated, financially secure, well respected within their community, the last ever to be suspected and often seen as part of a successful established relationship. They don’t necessarily act alone and they may be part of an organised group. Child sex abusers are sometimes referred to as "paedophiles" or "sex offenders", especially when they are not family members.

Abusers only ever want attractive looking youngsters (child models etc)

Abusers do sometimes prefer children of a particular age, sex, physical type or ethnic background. Many people might assume that the children would need to be of a certain age perhaps approaching puberty but Sexual offences are reported against babies and infants as well.

Abusers are opportunists who act on impulse

This is one of the most worrying myths for parents / carers to take as factual. Often parent / carers spend a great deal of attention ensuring that their children don’t walk across parks at night etc when they should be considering the ingenuity of the possible abusers and how they are making successful contact with their children. ‘Grooming’ or the technique of building a trust in order to take advantage, requires cunning and patience. Some Sexual offences can be committed without prior planning but many are the result of careful strategy and often teamwork with a like minded individual.

All abusers will be anti social, unapproachable, lack personality and charm

In order to be successful with a child that they know they have to be approachable, likeable and often charming. They will go to great lengths to get close to children and win their trust even so far as choosing employment that brings them into contact with children. Sport and football in particular are routes of contact for offending minded people to gain access to young players.

My child would tell me at once if anything happened

Once an abusive sexual act has taken place abusers will often put the child under great pressure not to tell anyone about it. Threats of violence towards the child or the family of the child are common as are apologies and pleas of forgiveness, all of which is planned to allow the abuse to be repeated at a later time. Many parents / carers become angry that their children have not ‘informed’ on the abuser when the first abuse occurred, not realising that the threat made against the child or the family created such fear that they would suffer the continued abuse rather than put their family at risk. Many abusers may be known to the family and use emotional coercion (blackmail) to maintain their abusive situation. Abusers often break down in tears and beg for forgiveness, or imply that the abuse is the child’s fault for being so loving, approachable , attractive etc, All this serves to prevent the abuse being brought to the attention of others who may act to stop it taking place. Some abused youngsters are unable to tell because of communication difficulties or due to Special Needs are unaware that abuse has taken place.

‘It doesn’t happen in team sports so why should we worry’?

Unfortunately Sexual abuse occurs in all areas where adults have access to children. While it is correct to say that certain individual sports allow greater opportunity for abuse such as one to one technique practices or secluded training areas it does not detract from the fact that ‘Grooming’ can take place anywhere including at the gate of your child’s school while they are waiting to be collected and taken home. Adults intending to abuse manipulate their targeted victims and seek to gain trust and build a relationship that will place them eventually in a situation where they can abuse. They therefore often seek out the more ‘vulnerable’ children who may be seeking more attention, or gifts or affection and will respond to this new friendly adults approach. Often ‘Grooming’ will take the form of a very positive effort on behalf of the potential abuser, for example keeping the group or certain members for extra training will please everyone at the club and will raise the trust levels as well as granting further and prolonged access to the targeted youngsters. It certainly does happen in football as it does with any sport where adults have access to children.

THE POSSIBLE SIGNS OF SEXUAL ABUSE

What are the indicators that a child is being sexually abused?

There are a number of signs to indicate that a child or children are being abused. They may show a number of physical and emotional changes. However it is vitally important that adults remember that these signs do not always mean that a child is being abused - there may well be other explanations.

Physical Signs

These can take the form of pain, or itching, they may also be evidence of bruising or bleeding in the genital or anal areas. There may be a genital discharge or urinary tract infections or stomach pains or discomfort walking or sitting. Also a young child may have a sexually transmitted infection. All of these symptoms if identified should result in an immediate consultation with a doctor. A child may cry very easily often over the most trivial of things or regress to younger behaviour such as thumb sucking, playing with toys or acting much younger than their years. Anorexia and bulimia as well as bed wetting and sleep disturbance or nightmares are all possible signs. As well as Physical signs there are also behavioural signs of abuse.

Behavioural Signs

These might include a change in the child's behaviour. They may become unusually quiet and withdrawn, or unusually aggressive. The child may display affection in a sexual way inappropriate to their age. Or they may start suffering from what may seem to be physical ailments, but which can't be explained medically. Often a child will refuse to attend school and when they do will refuse to undress for PE or swimming. They may have difficulties paying attention during lessons and the standard of their work may be affected. Sometimes the child will begin to use language that is inappropriate for their age especially sexually explicit language. Some children show fear or apprehension around a particular person or continually make excuses not to be in their company. Often with very young children they will openly talk of their ‘special friend’ and the fact that they have to keep ‘special secrets’ from everyone.

What can you do at your club to safeguard your youngsters?

Every club can take precautions to ensure that their children are not placed in an ‘At Risk’ situation. Each adult should be aware of the club Code of Conduct and the guidelines for ensuring they are never in a situation where abuse could take place OR an accusation of abuse could be made. Adults should never be alone in private with children. Your club should have written guidelines concerning the transporting of players by car (see the Parents Code of Conduct). While it is accepted that there are situations within all sports where the potential for sexual abuse can exist, it must be understood that it is football’s mass popularity that attracts some individuals in order for them to gain access to greater numbers of children. Coaches and adults who ignore Codes of Conduct or who see it as part of the coaching culture to have a sexual relationship with their players are often ‘permitted’ to continue their actions through their colleagues ‘inaction’ or unwillingness to ‘whistle blow’. An adult coach having a sexual relationship with a 16 or 17 year old female player in their side may often be regarded as their business as the player is over the age of consent, however the adult is betraying their position of trust and Duty of Care and can be reported for their non professionalism and action can be taken by the FA.

What should you do if a child informs me of sexual abuse?

The important thing for you to remember is that you are being told because the child trusts you. This child wants the abuse to stop, in many cases (if the child knows the abuser well) the child doesn’t necessarily want things to change completely at home, just for the abuse to stop. Often, as previously stated, the abuser can be a member of the family or extended family or a family friend and may be a popular and well established person within the group. The child will want things to return to normal as it was before the abuse began. The child will feel very anxious and possibly embarrassed about what has happened. They will be taking a monumental chance in speaking to you, not being certain of your reaction or indeed if you would listen and take it seriously at all. As an adult you may naturally feel very upset yourself, often angry and disturbed to think this could go on BUT you must try not to react in a way that adds to their distress, either by not believing them or even blaming them.

You do need to speak to someone straight away BUT not the alleged abuser because that is for the professionals who deal with these situations regularly. If you have a Child Protection Officer at your club speak to them as soon as you can or if not then contact a Child Protection Helpline immediately. There are a number of organisations with Helpline advisers who are all qualified child protection officers. They will provide advice about stopping and reporting the abuse. Alternatively, contact your health visitor, GP, or your local police or social services immediately.

If children are being abused why do they not tell someone and why not earlier rather than later?

As previously stated there are a number of reasons why children do not tell someone about their situation. Many abusers have ‘groomed’ the child and/or developed an atmosphere of trust and belonging within the family which often benefits many of the people closest to the child. The children may have received gifts or presents and are made to feel valued and wanted by the abuser. Children often fell powerless and unwilling to make accusations that will effect the other members of their family, after all if the abuser is removed from the family home then his economic provision or his relationship with ‘Mum’ etc would be over and the child may shoulder the blame. Some children feel they will not be believed or they don’t know what to say or to whom. Many children feel that adults won’t listen to them and if indeed they have previously told an adult they were either not believed or another adult has made an excuse for the abusive behaviour for example he was ‘drunk’ etc. Often an abuser will threaten to hurt the child or members of the child’s family or will often ask for forgiveness and state it wouldn’t happen again, this type of emotional blackmail is often very effective. Some abused children are unable to tell anyone because they are unable to communicate while others have such severe special needs that they are unaware that they are being abused. In some situations when children have wanted to tell someone they have felt ashamed and they mistakenly believe that the abusive situation was their fault because they imagine they somehow ‘led’ the abuser along or were too ‘pretty’ at the time. What must be understood with Child Sex Abuse is that some abusers may have a preference for a particular hair colour or age or gender BUT many are only interested in the power of the abuse, the fact that they hold that power over a child is often more important than anything else.