Don't be a Pushy Parent

It is only natural that a parent wishes the best for their child. They want them to achieve great things and realise their dreams. But, there are times when parents become a little too involved and controlling, possibly, without even realising it. It is when this situation occurs that the child may feel overwhelmed and begin to lose interest in the sport they once loved or suffer a strained relationship with the domineering parents, both are circumstances that nobody wants to arise. Therefore the parent should be educated so that they understand when they have crossed that line between involvement and commanding.

There are a few reasons why parents may become overly involved, the main ones being that;
Many parents just want to see their child achieve success and it is this enthusiasm that is the determining factor in their behaviour.
Some are trying to live out their own dreams through their child ‘as they never achieved it’.
In either case the result is often the same. The child feels stressed, pressurised and demoralised due to a situation that they have not even created.

To ensure such an environment is not created and that the child gains as much from their involvement as possible parents should realise their roles and avoid becoming over-powering.

Avoid becoming a Pushy Parent

Keep Winning in Perspective: The desire to win is healthy, but the outcome of a game is very rarely life altering. It is much more important that the child learns to give their all and perform to their best. If the result seems to be the only factor that matters then the child may lose confidence and self-esteem when their team loses, as they feel their best was not good enough. Which is not healthy in a team sport, where one player can very rarely dictate the outcome of a match.

Offer Encouragement and Support: Encourage but do not force the child into playing. If they decide they no longer want to participate, talk to them and find out the reasons why, instead of forcing them back into it.

Avoid Comparisons and Competition: With other children and yourself. It will not help the child’s long term development if they constantly hear that they are not as good as the parent was or they are not as good as another player. If this approach is adopted for even a short period the child may start to believe it, resulting in self-doubt and a loss in interest as they do not value their ability or even themselves. If the child is successful, share this success with them. Do not ‘rain on their parade’ with what happened in the past and what others have achieved.

Childs Goals: Try to understand and accept what the child wants and wishes to achieve, and then adapt your own personal goals to coincide with them. The child’s goals are more important than those of the parent. While the child is setting their goals try and help them, ensuring that they are realistic yet challenging. If the child is aiming for the top then offer all the support as required but do not become overly forceful.

Clear 2-WAY Communication: Do not just tell the child what they have done wrong, or pile your own opinions on them. Instead listen to them and their own beliefs regarding their performance. Encourage the child to be honest and not to just say what they think you want to hear. This will help the child to build a healthy self-critical approach.

The pushier parents will step over the line on many of the points previously outlined. At times it can be a fine line, but one a parent must be able to tread to ensure the best experience for their child. The child’s sporting experience is their sporting experience not yours. Do not ruin it for them by becoming too controlling and forcing them into things they are really not that interested in.