Constructive Criticism
There may be times when the coach (or another parent) will not be performing or behaving in an acceptable or the desired manner. This may be a result of the coach not knowing any better or because they have just lost sight of the overall goal; the development of the young player’s under their guidance. It may be appropriate in these situations to approach the coach and explain to them what they have been doing wrong and how they can adapt their actions. However, that is one of those things that is a lot easier said than it is in reality, as the majority of people do not enjoy receiving criticism. Therefore, it is crucial that the criticism is constructive so that it is understood and applied; but constructively criticising is a task that many individuals find hard. This is because it is easy for someone to criticise, or to be critical of someone. It is a little more difficult to convey their thoughts to the individual in a way that makes them feel that they are not being criticised at all. This is where the idea of constructive criticism becomes very important. The process of constructive criticism revolves around one individual offering their valid and well reasoned opinions to another regarding their work or behaviour. The criticism is offered in a pleasant manner and incorporates both negative and positive factors.
So before approaching the coach (or individual) take the time to remember the following steps to ensuring that the criticism is constructive.
Relationships are Crucial: There are many relationships that are created in the team set-up between individuals that interact with one another. If the wrong kind of approach is used to criticise someone then the results can be a strain or a complete breakdown in those relationships. If the coach and parent fall out then the child may suffer a broken relationship with one or both the individuals they look up to, as they are caught in the middle. Other parents may then also have opinions on how everything occurred and ‘choose their sides’ thus creating more strained relationships. So remember it is not just the coach and the criticising individual involved but a number of people, and in such a situation as a team environment these relationships matter.
Heat of the Moment: Do not criticise in the ‘heat of the moment’ when tempers or emotions are on a roller coaster ride. Instead take the time to relax and cool down before approaching. Otherwise the criticised individual may become defensive very quickly and shut down to what is being said to them. Both parties may also make comments or behave in a manner they will regret or be embarrassed by later.
Required?: Take the time to consider if the criticism is warranted. Many parents are actively involved and therefore want to see their children playing and being a success. However if the child is not, is it really the fault of the coach? Take a step back and view the situation as an outsider who has no ties with the team, child or coach. Then decide whether the criticism is justified or whether it is being offered because of a personal disappointment.
Matching Goals: Before criticising the individual ensure that everyone involved is ‘working from the same book’ and that they all have the same ambitions and goals. If a coach is only involved with the team to ensure the players have an organiser and a match every week, then there is no point criticising their coaching methods on the basis that there is not enough performance orientated sessions incorporated. It may be that the club or team approach is not the same as desired, therefore a different team may be the answer and not trying to change the present one.
Language: The wording used and the tone of the speech is essential when trying to constructively criticise someone. To ensure they do not shut down or become defensive, then the following steps should be taken:
Do not talk down to them: ‘I want…, I need….,’ sound more like orders than a polite approach.
Do not just use negatives: Try to incorporate positives as well, take the time to make a list of positive traits before meeting them, so that the individual does not just hear negative points. For example ‘Your too over competitive’ could be worded ‘I love your enthusiasm, but occasionally there are times when it goes a little far’.
Be polite: Do not use offensive, obscene or degrading comments. Do not shout or make snide remarks. Talk to them in a polite manner, this increases the likeliness of them listening and taking what is being said on-board.
Body language: Many people overlook their own body language. Try not to contradict what is being said with the body language employed. Maintain eye contact, do not shake the head or pull faces and try not slouch (either when standing or sitting).
Replying: Allow the criticised individual time to process and consider the points made, then allow them a chance to reply to them. While they are replying listen to everything they have to say and not just the first few lines before then waiting for a chance to speak. This will create an open discussion and conversation. If they do not offer a reply, ask them for one. They may not say what is desired or may return criticism as a form of defence but do not react to that. Take it on board and then discuss the whole situation with them. Do not allow it to turn into a shouting match as each individual becomes defensive.
The art of constructive criticism is a hard one to master due to the multitude of personalities an individual can be faced with. However, that does not mean that this form of criticism should be overlooked. Instead, it just highlights the fact that this is the process that should be employed as it is the one most likely to obtain the desired results. But do remember to ensure the checklist outlined is followed to avoid any confrontational situations.